catalyst

I’ve been waiting all this time to be something I can’t define

“The First Single” by The Format

It’s a great song, and it’s by far one of my favorites. The song is about a breakup, and through the melancholy words that are being sung, an upbeat tune is being played. I’d like to think of it as optimism. Through all of the crap that is going on in this guy’s life, he somehow manages to sing a fun, catchy tune. Unending optimism.

This line, “I’ve been waiting…”, essentially summarizes how I feel about myself. I feel that through my nineteen years of existence, I have amounted to a lazy college sophomore with a close group of friends and no direction other than “success”. I don’t feel as though I have any defining qualities. I want to be something, but I can’t figure out what.

I want to be bohemian, but I want to be hipster.

I want to dance like there is no tomorrow, but I want to sleep all day.

I want to lose a few pounds and live a healthier life, but I want Cold Stone Ice Cream.

I want to flirt without consequences, but I want to find real love.

I want winter when it’s summer, and I want fall when it’s spring.

I feel like I came into college with all of these great intentions and all of these plans, and I lost most of them. Religion used to be a big deal for me, and now I just think, “Yeah, I’m cool with God” and that is the extent of it. This is where the optimism kicks in.

I want this year to be a defining year for me. I need this year to be a defining year for me. “I’ve been waiting all this time to be something I can’t define, so let’s cause a scene: clap our hands and stomp our feet or something.”